My Journey

My journey to Being a Cuckoldress.

            It is an interesting question, when asked: What led me to becoming a cuckoldress? I have pondered this. It led me to the conclusion that for all of us our journey starts well before we are even aware of it. We are a sum of our experiences.

            As a young girl I was very shy (I know, hard to believe). I still have some introvert qualities. As that young girl, I learned to observe. I looked at people, their reactions, the things that made them happy and sad. I learned quickly, as an introvert the best way to act to get the reactions or things that I needed. I was raised by a single mom that taught me to be independent. My mom will tell you stories about despite my overall shyness, I was fiercely independent and willful when I was determined. My mother grew up in an era where women had their place and so those expectations were passed on. I think all women are taught they must fit in to a cookie cutter role, at least for my generation.

            My being an introvert and societal expectations of me went hand in hand as I came into my awkward teenage years. I was not part of the “cool kids” I had friends in every clique though. I never had a boyfriend in high school. I was always trying to do the right thing, to wear the right clothes, be the right girl. I was still and observer and very smart. I talked my way into good grades without doing much of the work.

            After high school I joined the military. My actual first sexual experience took place in a dorm room while I was at school for my military job. It was terrible. It hurt, not only physically but emotionally. As a girl trying to find my way sexually, I equated sex with love. If he is having sex with me, he must like me, right? Maybe if I just have more sex whether, I am feeling fulfilled or not, then maybe that is how I find someone to care about me. We all know how that goes…

            Now fast forward in my military career. My self esteem has improved. I have discovered that having a vagina can be used to my advantage. My tease game started early. I understand how to get dinner and drinks. I understand how to have things done for me. I use my skills for good, not evil…my good that is. I am still looking for love. I had fleeting “relationships”, but nothing stuck.

            I met the Hopeful Cuck when I was 21. My heart recognized him. He was the one. We were children and each still finding our way in the world. We were together for almost a year. He broke my heart. My reaction to my sorrow was to go a bit wild. It was a blessing in disguise. I opened a floodgate of sexual experiences. Still trying to find love though. My self-esteem, trying to figure out who I am as a woman, still a work in progress at that point.

            I met my first husband and tried to build a life. He was controlling and verbally abusive. I said before we are a sum of our experiences. I had always been a strong person. That marriage made me stronger.  I grew to know that I would NEVER be controlled again. I would never again give anyone that much power over me…ever.

            My sex life after my marriage was nonexistent for a while as I was raising children. I again had some fleeting vanilla relationships. I was never quite happy in them. Anytime I tried to explore something more sexually, I ended up losing something romantically. I had a boyfriend that checked every box, was perfect on paper. He unknowingly was my first sub in many ways. I told him what to do, when to do it. I made all the choices, essentially. The sex…bleh. Ordering someone around with no tease game, no satisfaction or communication, with no sexual thrill? It turns out that is not much fun at all.

            I continued my journey of trying to find the perfect combo of love and sex. I had casual encounters. I tried internet dating. I was even in a D/s relationship for a period of time as the sub. It was then that I utterly understood that while I enjoyed some sub play, I am NOT submissive.

            Fast forward to 27 years after Hopeful crushed my heart. I saw him tagged in a picture on Facebook. I sent him a message and he answered. My heart was joyous.