My greatest love affair was with someone discovering themselves. New adventures. Pushing boundaries. Understanding who they were and how they fit in to the world. They were discovering their strength, and accepting their weaknesses. I fell in love.
Who was this wondrous person? Me. My greatest love affair was with myself. After a failed, toxic marriage I needed to find myself again. I was a broken human. I was a single parent with little support. My family was far away. My friends were limited because he made it that way. Like a caterpillar in to a butterfly, my journey that year gave me wings, beauty and hope.
I spent some time after my marriage looking to be whole in the wrong places. I dated off and on, but was always skeptical. I had hookups, but for the wrong reasons. I entered in to a D/s relationship as the sub( shocker, I know) The relationship was meant to be just a sexual release. It was meant to calm me. What actually happened is that I comfirmed that as much as I like sub play sometimes, I am not a submissive. It was not fun, it was not calming. It added to my stress, even more so when it started to spill in to my regular life. He became domineering, not just dominant.
After that experience, I decided to regroup and focus on me. I bought a house, I continued my education, I worked hard. I learned that it was not only ok to make myself a priority, but often necessary. I took time to analyze my dating faux-pas and tried to understand the whys. I discovered that I was always trying to please everyone else, or do what was expected of me. This was detrimental to me. I took the time to “date” myself. I took myself out , I listened to myself and got to know me.
I discovered that I’m a valuable human. I discovered that I will always need time for me. I discovered that when my needs are met, I am able to meet others needs even more. I discovered that I am kind and patient, that I’m an empath in any ways. I discovered that I am intelligent. I discovered that I am strong and a force to be reckoned with. I fell in love with me. With any loving relationship it is always a work in progress, but I am my soulmate, right next to Hopeful.